this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
