Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
