I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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