I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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