Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
