Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
