I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
