so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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