You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
