i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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