i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
