worst night to have a conscience
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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