her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
