So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
there is glitter all over my balls
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
