that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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