Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
smell my finger.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
