I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
