Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
