broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
