She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
