Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
