i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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