Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
