I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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