There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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