Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
