I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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