Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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