Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
