i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
