tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
