party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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