we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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