Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
