I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
