last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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