I think I am morally bankrupt
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
