I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
