my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
