Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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