I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
