you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
