The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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