Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
