I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
