I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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