Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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