dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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