my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
