Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
