I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
