you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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