I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
